Parents' three types of casual lies affect children's mental health
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| "Eating watermelon must spit watermelon seeds, otherwise the seeds will sprout in the belly", "Umbrellas at home are not tall", "Disobedient children will be eaten by Grandma Xiong" ... These ridiculous adults once said Lie, does it suddenly remind you of your childhood innocence? |
Maybe the parents did not know how to answer the question, but now you, parents, have you ever thought that such an inadvertent lie will cause trouble to your child? This newspaper found two typical cases and invited experts to analyze how to deal with them correctly and help children grow up happily.
"Eat and sprinkle rice, Lei Gong will hit you": A lie from her mother made her afraid of being struck by Lei Fang. Yanping Fang was a junior at Southwest University. Yesterday, she told the reporter of the Commercial Daily that when she was young, her mother always said something "Force" she obediently obeyed, what "Little baby don't play with fire, otherwise he will quilt", "The umbrella at home is not long", but the most memorable thing for her is to count "Eating and spilling rice and thunder will hit you" .
Fang Yanping recalled that she always sprinkled a few grains of rice on the table when she was eating, and one day, when it happened to rain and thunder, she sprinkled a few grains of rice on the table. Knowing that she was afraid of thunder, her mother casually said, "Eating and spilling rice grains will hit you." Fang Yanping was frightened by her mother's words, and quickly picked up the rice grains on the table and ate them. Since then, Fang Yanping has been afraid of thunder and lightning. "Because I have sprinkled rice grains, I am afraid that 'Lei Gong' really hit me."
Fang Yanping said that after she knew it, she knew her mother was joking with her. She also knew that the probability of being hit by lightning was very small for ordinary people, but she still couldn't get around the shadow. Whenever the thunderstorm weather, she did not dare to go out, hiding in the house and closing the doors and windows tightly.
It is understood that Fang Yanping had poor family conditions and a frugal life when she was a child. Her mother said that to teach her to develop a good habit of thrift and thrift. In this regard, Fang Yanping disagreed, "This has a great impact on the mental health of children!"
Expert analysis: The mother knew that the young Fang Yanping was afraid of thunder, and she used scary lies to scare her, which was very inappropriate. Should try to adopt fairy tale education, let the thunder scene be an opportunity for children to reflect, grow, and summarize. “Children ’s food leaks are a waste of food. Grandpa Lei looks at you in the sky!” If parents find that the child is afraid of thunder from then on, parents can remind the child when they thunder: “Grandpa Lei applauds when the child changes bad habits, That's the applause he gave you! "However, parents should note that fairy-tale education is suitable for correcting their children's bad habits. They must give their children positive energy in order to become skilled and intelligent parents with high emotional intelligence.
"You picked it up!": A joke from the mother, the child feels redundant
"My parents used to say that I picked it up from the river, and it feels more sad than giving me a phone bill!" 20-year-old Wu Yunfeng, who lives in Wuxi County, told the Business Daily reporter yesterday that he was more mischievous when he was a kid and was in trouble Sometimes, the mother is in a bad mood, she will say that she picked it up.
"She didn't believe me at the beginning, but her mother said time and again that I picked it up, and I really believed it." Yunyun Feng said that at that time, she was about seven or eight years old and started to have self-esteem. From then on, she felt like a mother. She doesn't like herself, but prefers her brother. She often feels redundant, and secretly hides her tears in the quilt. However, when I grew up a little, I realized that my mother was lying to her, and she quickly let go of her, but the sad emotional memory at that time was still fresh.
Feng Qi, 18, told reporters that her mother often teased her younger sister, saying that the sister had been picked up. Feng Qi said that the younger sister is 11 years old. Whenever she hears such words from her mother, she will be unhappy and often say her mother is partial.
Expert analysis: Telling children that they picked it up is a fun way for parents and children to get along, and most people have this experience. However, when educating their children, parents must take the standard of not harming their children's mental health. Because children can only see things through the wrong attribution of the phenomenon, they think parents are biased. Children of this age are building a sense of belonging and security, and parents should stop telling such jokes. The child's ideas are full of innocence, strong imitation, no ability to predict things, and see no consequences. Even if the child does something extraordinary, the parent must show that "even if you are not obedient, the mother loves you", and then ask the child like this The reason for doing it.
Opinion: Don't promote lying education, parents and children should trust each other
"A child is like a clean glass. No matter how carefully you touch it, you will leave fingerprints on the glass." Experts said that parents' answers to the child's questions will become a child's special childhood memory. Some of this memory will be transformed into warm and happy memories, and some may become psychological shadows. Therefore, parents should try to "liar" as little as possible when educating their children.
Experts warn that there are many common-sense errors made by parents about lies, which can be misleading to children. Children are not obedient, there are always some special internal reasons. At this time, parents should pay attention to observation and analysis, and carefully ask the reasons. Parents should take a more authentic and objective approach to guide their children and build a trusting and harmonious parent-child relationship.
Link: Three types of lies parents cannot say
1 Knowledgeable lies cannot be said
When a child asks "Where do I come from?", Parents often feel embarrassed and use lies such as "picked up" and "embraced" to cope. This kind of answer will make the child have more guesses and create a sense of insecurity.
Correct way: Properly popularize basic physiological common sense according to the age of the child.
2 Scary lies cannot be said
Children cry all the time. Parents often say "Cry again and let the police uncle take you away." Children often leave their food and sleep without using police uncles or big wolf to scare them. This will not only make the child's perception of the surroundings bias, but also affect the child's mental health. The child may have more leftovers, and the next time he will have less, and tell him the importance of economy.
The right way: Guide your child more often than simple commands.
3 Emotional lies cannot be said
"Cry mom no longer love you", "If you make trouble again, I will give you away" ... This kind of lie will aggravate the accumulation of bad emotions. The crying of the child was originally to seek attention and love, but the parents threatened him not to let him cry. He would only make the crying more severe, even in the process of growing up, because he was always worried that he would not be loved and lack of belonging.
The right way: Parents should stick to their opinions gently, be quiet, and wait for the child to understand before they educate.